Communication Skills in San Francisco

While I walked to the Asian Art Museum yesterday morning, a dirty old man said something like, Miss, you have a fine chest.” I kept looking forward and walking at the same pace, as if I hadn’t heard, but I said quietly, “Get castrated, asshole.” Not exactly nonviolent communication, but at least I didn't say it audibly. I was wearing cargo pants and a very loose, long-sleeved navy blue T-shirt while carrying my purse and raincoat. Not exactly an outfit calculated to attract harassment.

I also made the mistake of going up the side steps when I reached the museum—thinking that would discourage more situations. Instead, there was a group of people sitting against the side of the building and smoking pot. Not wanting to look scared or inquisitive, I walked right past them. Fortunately, they didn’t say anything. I’ll stick to the sidewalk!

On a totally different subject…. I didn’t write down how, yesterday, I saw another Tibetan monk! I was in the Chinese galleries—Tang Dynasty critter pottery—and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of moving red—and there was this tall monk in blood red with a yellow bodice. That was exciting. They wear such pretty clothing. And they even match the exhibit.

In the evening, I took a bus to San Francisco State University to attend a rather timely seminar.

Nonviolent Communication Introductory Seminar
Based on the writings of Marshall Rosenberg (book called Nonviolent Communication)

Needs
1) All beings have the same needs
2) Every action a human makes is an attempt to meet a universal need.
Connection that you care about my needs/both people getting what they want or at the very least aware that they’re concerned about each other’s needs. “I’m sorry,” suggests you did something wrong—you are meeting a need.
3) Self-responsibility—hope that nothing outside of me causes my feelings (didn’t cause anger, etc)
How you make meaning of something—(reaction is “I’m in pain” not “This person is a jerk.”)

Empathy, listen nonviolently—listening to someone else’s needs and feelings
When to speak, when not to speak
What this person was thinking, feeling—guess or ask (either is fine)

NVC question:
Were you feeling ____ because you needed ______?

Connecting with your heart instead of expressing the same judgment as they’ve expressed.

NVC

Empathy / Connection
---------------------------
Empathy / Honesty

(Honesty—my observation of what happened)

Nonblaming, nonjudgmental = make a connection

Clear observation rather than judgment. Request, not demand. When you’re saying no, you’re saying yes to something else.